Monday, June 02, 2008

How to deal with LIFE when you work for yourself?

Self Portrait, by Lea Keohane, 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Yesterday I ate two cups of coffee, one fried egg and toast, some crackers, a couple of cocktails, and finally some french fries ('cus I had to, not because I wanted them really). No, it is not some new weird diet, it is called Break-Up Belly No Hungry. And it sucks.

Saturday night, Steve and I broke up after nearly 2 very good years. I do not want to go in to detail here--suffice it to say that we are both very good people and I'm sure we actually will continue to be friends. Probably really good friends once the pain wears off a bit.

I have been going back and forth about writing about this in my blog, but after all this blog is about me, and about working for myself and this is a big deal in my life. When I used to work in an office, when something bad would happen I would absolutely dread going in to work. But I went anyway and being around other people, and working on someone else's projects was distracting to some extent. It probably did help me take my mind off of things, especially in the long run, no matter how much I hated being there.

However, one of the biggest challenges that I have with being my own boss is this: My brain runs at 100 miles an hour most of the time, I have gazillions of ideas at a time, and I find it very hard to decide what I should be focusing on. I manage to make it happen somehow (lots of list writing, scribbling thoughts as they occur on random bits of paper, who knows what else!), but now I am extra-distracted. I don't feel like painting. I walked at least 6 miles yesterday and I don't want to do that today and journaling about it is no help right now either. I have an unreasonably long list and very little motivation.

Okay, so here's what I am going to do today:
*Pick 3 simple things from my list and just do them.
*Exercise. I don't feel like it, but I know it will help. Endorphins are a good thing.
*Take a lot of deep breaths so that I'm not a crazy woman when I go pick Indigo up from school today. I also have to figure out what exactly and how I am going to tell her.

That's not too bad, right?


melissa, aka maoiliosa said...

i am the same way (in past breakups, and even just when something is worrying me, which is like all the time, haha). i think i'll give you a call tomorrow and we can laugh it up some more. would that help? :D

you've made a very realistic list of stuff for you to do today: not too much, and not too little. and you're right: the exercise will make you feel a lot better. that 6 mile walk yesterday probably helped a little, too! geez, and i was impressed with my -.6- mile daily walks. you've outdone me THIS time, keohane!

if you're looking for some quick/cute laughs in the meantime, i'm sure you already know about this, but: . this place always cheers me up :).

and by the way, i love that self-portrait! you are very talented, and i just know you're going to be very successful in achieving your dreams!


DivaDea said...

Hang in there!

babyhoot. said...

wow, this makes me even more happy that you won! I was coming on here to leave a message to tell you that you won our Messy Baby Contest and to go pick out what fabric you want for a bib! Then I read your entry... what a sucky day... I hope this cheers you up just a tad bit. :)
you can send me a convo on Etsy to talk about getting you your prize.

Thanks for entering, and I hope you have a better day tomorrow!


Amanda said...

Hey Lea,
I'm so sorry to hear about your sucky sucky day! I know just what you mean about going to work and dealing with other people's problems making you think less about your own situation. There's just not much like that when you work for yourself!

Exercise really is the key, and you've totally got that right with the lists. Stay organized, wear yourself out with a good long walk, and you'll keep yourself on track.

I have to remind myself of that sometimes too, when I feel like my life is in a hopeless place.