Occasionally I feel like being an artist is Too Hard; I feel anxious wondering if what I'm doing is really worthwhile or just selfish; I fear that I'm not good enough to make it. Those are moments I've struggled with all my life, in between bouts of confidence in Who I Am and What I Do. Moments that rear their ugly heads and pop my daydreamy bubbles of All That Could Possibly Be.
I know those moments of self-doubt are perfectly natural (albeit incredibly annoying). They are little tests, poking me with reality checks. Sure, they make me second guess myself at times, but all of that second guessing can either scare you away from your dreams--if you let it--or bring you even closer by helping to focus your energy on what you REALLY want.
It has been 8 years now since I graduated from college, a soon-to-be single mom bullheadedly determined to find her way to being an Artist. I've come a long, long way in 8 years. I recently found an old portfolio that I brought around to shops to try and sell my work and...wow. My work was immature, the photos were bad and the prints of them were even worse. I had no idea what I was doing, but I was determined enough to do it anyway. And you know what? It has paid off. I have been working for myself for over 5 years now, my art has seriously improved and I'm selling more of it all the time, and I am moving steadily closer and closer to being a full-time artist every day.
Lately I've been more focused than ever, feeling like I am on the brink of something important. I'm clearing out my life and making room for all of those daydreamy bubbles to come into existence--self-doubt be damned. I don't know what it all is or what it all means, but I want to share it. I owe a debt to everyone who has helped me on my way, and I would like to pay it forward in my own little way by writing about my experiences as I move into the next phase of my art and my life in the hopes that it will help you with yours.