Nostalgia in Denver

Going to Colorado, where I grew up, is always filled with such strange feelings for me. I would say going "back home," but it just doesn't feel like home anymore. I had a perfectly good childhood, but for some reason I don't feel connected to the place I grew up in a way that so many other people seem to. Still, I get to drive (or be driven) from one city to the next to visit my family, and hopefully catch up with some old friends from high school (and even middle school!), and that is always good.

Eleven days is a long time to be away from home, and away from work, especially when you work for yourself, so I've been trying to find ways to weave part of my vacation into my work. I'm taking lots of pictures, re-visiting places I used to go (the ones that are still there!), journalling and sketching inspiration for new paintings (a new series??). When I have some down time to myself, I'm brainstorming blog ideas and going online to check out venues to apply to show my work.

All in all, it's a lot less work than I would have done had I been home this whole time, but it IS a vacation, right? ;)

How to deal with LIFE when you work for yourself?

Self Portrait, by Lea Keohane, 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Yesterday I ate two cups of coffee, one fried egg and toast, some crackers, a couple of cocktails, and finally some french fries ('cus I had to, not because I wanted them really). No, it is not some new weird diet, it is called Break-Up Belly No Hungry. And it sucks.

Saturday night, Steve and I broke up after nearly 2 very good years. I do not want to go in to detail here--suffice it to say that we are both very good people and I'm sure we actually will continue to be friends. Probably really good friends once the pain wears off a bit.

I have been going back and forth about writing about this in my blog, but after all this blog is about me, and about working for myself and this is a big deal in my life. When I used to work in an office, when something bad would happen I would absolutely dread going in to work. But I went anyway and being around other people, and working on someone else's projects was distracting to some extent. It probably did help me take my mind off of things, especially in the long run, no matter how much I hated being there.

However, one of the biggest challenges that I have with being my own boss is this: My brain runs at 100 miles an hour most of the time, I have gazillions of ideas at a time, and I find it very hard to decide what I should be focusing on. I manage to make it happen somehow (lots of list writing, scribbling thoughts as they occur on random bits of paper, who knows what else!), but now I am extra-distracted. I don't feel like painting. I walked at least 6 miles yesterday and I don't want to do that today and journaling about it is no help right now either. I have an unreasonably long list and very little motivation.

Okay, so here's what I am going to do today:
*Pick 3 simple things from my list and just do them.
*Exercise. I don't feel like it, but I know it will help. Endorphins are a good thing.
*Take a lot of deep breaths so that I'm not a crazy woman when I go pick Indigo up from school today. I also have to figure out what exactly and how I am going to tell her.

That's not too bad, right?